With the new year comes some fresh perspective on what matters–my life, and respectively, your life.   The unfortunate thing is that for a lot of quarterlifers here in Korea, the experience resembles this cliche:  A wide-eyed traveler leaves a domestic life behind for an exotic foreign experience, only to be hungover after months or years of working in the ESL industry grind, playing in the same bars and clubs, and listening to an ever growing circle of bitter, bitter friends.

Inevitably some of the most common themes to cross the expat conversation include, “I’m getting sick of this place”  and “I can’t believe Korea doesn’t have/do/make/sell/give/provide…”   When these words or negativisms like them cross your lips, you need to get a grip and think of perspective.

1.  You have a choice.   And you can choose to do whatever and leave whenever and travel wherever you please.  The challenge is that we must overcome our fear to act.   If we don’t act, then our “choices” merely become whimsy and dreams–and wasted time.  Korea is not right for you despite all your attempts to choose the best experiences?  Then you know what to do.   You’ve done it before.  And like U.S. president Harry S. Truman once said, “A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.”  Make a new choice, it’s okay.  

2.  Stop blaming Korea for what you think is wrong, and start thinking about what should be right for you.  As we navigate the Korea experience and see failures in our expectations, we tend to blame externally instead of evaluating new information.  “It’s Korea’s fault,” we say to our friends who often agree and reinforce this reactionary way of explaining the world.  But  let’s think about that.  This would only be true were there some kind of ‘Wizard of Oz’ who controls our experience, our hagwon job, our neighbors, and all the people who come across us.  The reality is that there is no national conspiracy against us.  “Korea” and its culture and people are not out to get anyone.  It’s totally your world!     

3.  Broaden your cultural scope.  When immersed entirely in a new country, we make the mistake of comparing the host culture against the home culture.  We further that mistake by passing judgments and then by assuming what we are too time-constrained to find out or learn.   This is not something to brag about in your graduate school application or job interview.  The correct thing to do is place our own culture aside–temporarily–and to take in the new culture with fresh eyes.  Be like a baby, a zen monk might say, and add to what you know about the world rather than putting them into conflict.  In all practicality, this means stop going to places where you see more foreigners (e.g. Itaewon), and start exploring the places and experiences of everyday Koreans. 

4.  “Get over it!” says local Berlin lounger and DJ Anna Desmarais.  Stop thinking about how a nation or its people should treat you, and start thinking about how you can better treat yourself and your loved ones.   We need to shake off our sense of entitlement and devote every ounce of our energy to improving our life and the lives of those we care about.  Being negative or feeling the immature emotion of misperceived injustice is a huge burden on our souls and a big drag on worthwhile conversation between friends.  So, if you find yourself about to use the word, “Korea” in a sentence, take pause.  Will it be a complaint, generalization, or moral comparative?  Then cut it short and ask your friend what they like to do in free time.     

Korea is never going to be like home no matter how many times we complain out loud, but this doesn’t mean it cannot become your home.  Korea and the Korean people are on their own path, and in truth, everyone but critics are on the move.  Either as temporary visitors or as long-term expatriate residents, we owe it to ourselves to think more locally around our community and the people we interact with.  Sure, it’s okay to complain about the coffee shop in your hood, but don’t blame the nation for it.  My friend says this often to me when I start speaking in this way, “Blame yourself for going there or blame yourself for not having anything better to talk about, but please get off Korea already!”  Yeah, I agree.

Further reading:

[Roboseyo on How to Love the Heck Out of Korea]

[Korean Class 101  I Hate It So Much I'm Staying]

–Seoul Satirist

Similar Posts:

• May 9-10 | Seoul World DJ Festival at Nanji Park
• Welcome Readers
• Crime Beat | Is This Guy Teaching English in Korea?
• Guide | Chili Pepper Mania Keeps Winter Hot!